Now, I’m not fond of Wal-mart, but not for the usual reasons.   There’s the whole race to the bottom situation, driving manufacturing jobs out of the country, putting smaller stores out of business, etc, etc, etc…sure.  But honestly it’s just generally a god awful shopping experience.   The store’s are generally cluttered, imposingly large, and tonight’s topic, poorly staffed.

I’ll preface this by saying, I don’t work there.   What follows is based on various bits of information I’ve run across over the years regarding their impressive operations.  And yes, I did just compliment them.   Wal-mart’s known in IT circles for their impressive inventory and tracking computer systems.   Yes, WM’s got a reputation for lean mean operating budgets, but here’s the problem; we’re all paying for that.

Tonight I was number 6 in a register line, there were at least 10 people behind me, and from what I could see, of the around 30 registers, SEVEN were open.  Three nights before Christmas, with a steady customer flow, there were 7 registers open.   Here’s the conversation I wish had taken place with the cashier.

Cashier: Sorry for the wait.
Me: No problem.   It’s not your fault.  But if you could point out your manager around here, I’d be happy to yell at them.
C: *nervous laughter*
M: It’s true you know.   Consider, your manager is likely under pressure to drive the operating costs of this store lower and lower each quarter, and this time of year, is probably trying to earn something like a $500 bonus.  But do you know who pays for that? Both you the employee and me the customer.

From my end, I’m stuck standing in a longer line.   It’s three nights before Christmas, it’s not unreasonable to expect extra volume, why not up the staffing?   Why?  It’s nearly the end of the quarter, you need to keep operating costs low.

But from the employee end you pay for it too.   You’ve got over 10 people here in your line, all getting agitated, wanting to just go home, and who do they take out their wrath on when they finally get up to your register?  You.    So your job satisfaction drops.   You might start your evening in a good mood, but the constant pounding has to wear on you.

Look at how you’re set up too.   The store has to lock up more merchandise in those little boxes, but they didn’t equip your station with one of the keys to remove them.     So you’ve got to walk away from your register, go about a quarter of the length of the store down to customer service to unlock, then come all the way back.    All the while, your line’s worth of customers are wondering where you’re wandering off to.

And why do you not have the tools to do your job?   Because your boss has a boss who likewise is trying to drive down the quarterly operating costs.   Those key’s cost about $10 each retail.   $5 if you buy in volume, and if you’re WM, you design your own, send the manufacture overseas and dictate the design so that the unit cost is under 2.00 per key.    But there’s a problem, that regional operations manager is trying to save costs.   So even if your store manager asked for more keys, one for each station, it’s easy to say no shaving a few more dollars off the regional operating budget and making that manager eligible for their bonus.

The hidden cost?  Your manger takes the heat from customers and employees.   The employees take on the heat from the customers, and people like me wind up praying they never have to come back to your store.

So that, that is why I’m not yelling at you, Mr. Cashier.    It’s simply not your fault.   You’re merely the face on the problem, and that’s not your fault.    Happy holidays good Sir.   In a bad economy you’re lucky to have a job, I just wish it could be a little better for you.    Evidently, however, the good will generated by staffing an extra 5 registers at a busy time of the year just comes at too high a price.

C: Umm…happy holidays to you too.  Good night.

For what it’s worth, I was nice to the guy, because I honestly do recognize it’s not his fault.

Turning to the fire, she used the tongs and deftly chose two glowing embers, and placed them just above the button forming glowing red eyes, yet somehow they did not melt the ice.

Finally she turned once more to her ragged, worn bag, and from it she drew a silk hat smeared with soot from the fireplace; a ring of blood of some unknown origin circled the brim.

With shadows from the fire flitting across her wild face, she placed the vexed chapeau upon what might be best called the “head” of the figure-like pile of compacted snow before her.

Suddenly, as if possessed by the devil himself, he back to dance around the room.

The old woman reared back and let out an unearthly cackle.  As the sound still echoed off the walls she began to speak in tongues.   Nearly inaudible at first, but soon the room filled with her incomprehensible chanting.

“Bumpity bump bump.”

She had started slowly, but her energy seemed to grow with each iteration of the mysterious phrase.

“bumpitybumpbumpbumpitybumpbumpbumptitybumpbump…” she screamed, over and over and over.    Soon a curse fell over the children in the room, and they started to laugh uncontrollably, almost gleeful in it’s sound, but undeniable in it’s eerie nature.

Then the old woman stopped, her bony hand pointing to the window, “Look at frosty go.”    There was ice in those words, nothing charming or friendly about it.

In unison the children stopped their laughter and turned their heads to the window, the man of ice and snow was now running down the lane.    Where he was going I know not.   But soon after, he made it to the village, broomstick clutched at his side, and there were blood curdling screams heard up and down the valley as the ice man’s carnage, and the old women’s vengeful wishes, were meted out.

Trust me, it's no one you know.

I decided to transform a pile of crushed glass and some rods into bones and bones into an arm, and a hand, and a useful tool of scratching delight.     I have to say, making the parts was the easy bit, even if it did turn out I should have checked an anatomy book before hand.   So yes, I know the upper arm should be one bone, not two, and had I simply felt myself up, I would have known that.     Oh well.

Ready for assembly

It turns out that assembly wasn’t going to be the cake walk I thought it would be.   For one thing, it’s the cooler time of year here, so I was worried about errant drafts causing cracking.     I mean let’s face it, cold weather’s hard on the bones right?

Shake?

The first time I tried putting this together, I dropped it three times, then on the fourth, when the upper bones broke off, I put everything in the kiln and headed in, I’d had enough.

The next night, though, I finally got it all together.    Out of frustration came inspiration and I would up constructing the pieces slightly differently, and in such a way that was far far simpler over all.   Live and learn.

It's trying to escape!! Turn the kiln to "cremate"

I have to say though, I’m quite happy with the way the piece came out in the end.    About the only regret I have is that the thumb’s just a little off from where I wanted it.    But, it’s quite functional, so I’m not going to dwell on it.

I so wanted to pet the cat with this.

I do hope the recipient loves this.  It was a lot of fun to make except for the dropping and cursing part, but otherwise it was fun and I think I’d definitely try another one.

See? The thumb's too far up the palm. I was a little worried about the palm cracking in the cooler temps, so I was rushing.

Want to skip that mess?  Want something that can bring joy all year AND help out 26 artists?

The 2012 AGLF calendar

Give some consideration to the Artisan Glassworker Legal Fund calendar.   It’s 12 months of beautiful artwork and a useful calendar to boot.   All of the proceeds go straight to the legal fund currently being used to defend 26 artists (including yours truly) who are trying to protect free speech.

To order a calendar, visit the site directly at:  http://aglf.info/calendar.html . For information about the group in general, back on up to http://aglf.info.

And thank you!

Ok, so what have I been working on.    Not much of anything really.  I’ve been a bit busy the past few months with the day gig, so it’s sucked a lot of my glass time away.    I’d certainly say that’s sad, particularly since the holiday season tends to be when I do much of my sales.   But, it is what it is, and let’s face it, the economy’s still a bit of a question mark anyway.

But we’re not reading this for economics right?    What have I been working on?    I like to make snow globes.   But I hate all of the gluing to get the plug attached and to be honest, making the wooden bases with the equipment I have on hand takes longer than making the glass globe.

So I’ve been trying to sort out a design that eschews the wooden base and the epoxy in favor of an all glass design.     Sounds ambitious, doesn’t it?   It is, particularly with my hollow skills.

Around my house we have a saying, a saying that’s second only to the family motto, “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”    That saying?   “Good idea, bad implementation.”

With that, I present…a monstrosity:

Isn't it horrific?

The idea’s good, and quite sound.   The problems with this one?   The base is far too large, and the seal, other than being lumpy and ugly, isn’t 100%.   More like 87%.    Some changes I need to make:

• A smaller, more proportional base
• A cleaner edge
• A greater thickness at the top of the base to better take the welding process.
• Something more creative inside (In my defense, I sort of knew this first try wasn’t going to be “it”)

Given my hollow skills are often up one day and outright missing on others, this was no small feat for me. Not to mention, I don’t know anything about wiring up to a USB cord.

But, as I’m fond of saying, just because I don’t know how isn’t cause to stop me.   For my stubbornness, I was finally rewarded.

I’d like to say now, this is the first one I’ve made.   There’s no on/off switch, it’s more delicately balanced than I intended, and I’m not super thrilled with the connection from the neck to the foot of the lamp, but in my defense, I had to redo that [CENSORED] connection 3 times, each time requiring another trip through the kiln to anneal.

With that, I give you…the lamp.

It makes me think of Audrey II from "Little Shop of Horrors"

It’s a pretty little thing, if not horribly lit in this picture.   But let’s face it, the lighting in my shop isn’t the star here.   This stands about 7.5″ tall by 7.5″ long.

I was going for a floral look

I was going for a floral look with this piece, and I think I achieved it.  I couldn’t tell you what flower it might be vaguely reminiscent of, but I assure you, no plants will be called onto the Maury Povich show for DNA testing.

The accursed foot

This is the foot that kept popping off.  I had it pop off from both sides and in between.  Finally I made sure there was a good fluid attachment point on the neck, and I wound up creating a larger attachment to the foot itself.   This gave me enough room to maneuver a small flame in between the two.

And finally….

It works!

The small white light I used gives enough light to find your keys if you really needed to, but it really makes a lovely night light more than anything.   I love the variations in the globe from where the colored glass was more opaque in some spots.    I did notice an odd flicker when I had it plugged in, but I suspect this is because my laptop was running on battery at the time and I was seeing fluctuations in the power stream out.   It makes me fear for my peripherals.

But, I finally got it done.  Now on to the next one.

I’m a bit ADD sometimes, and every year it seems I find something new and different to try.   This very well might be this year’s item of interest.

For those of you I let in on my secret project, thank you for the kind words of encouragement, they were much appreciated in my…darkest hours.  Get it?  Ha!

UPDATE: I may have to revisit the use of resistors; my light’s dimmed.    I’m annoyed though because  I should be getting 5v downstream, and the light I pulled my light out of uses 3 1.5v button cells.     This is how we learn I suppose.

UPDATE part 2:  I blew the other LED, but after a few hours fiddling about with some magic ceramics, it seems I’ve replaced it and it’s holding it’s brightness.   Woohoo!

No, I’m just musing on my youngest minion.    We’re here having lunch and watching Star Trek: The Next Generation (don’t judge me!) and the little one’s over there trying to ask a question about Data.

“Um..umm..umm…umm.umm..” etc., while his brother is talking over him.    I had to laugh because it reminded me of the old Robert’s Rules, and made me think he was trying to raise a point.    Eventually he got out his question about Data’s eyes, but I was sorely tempted to look at him and say, “The chair recognizes the gentleman in the green froggie raincoat”.

Wacky kids.

The other day he said something to me that all glass addicts like to hear from their offspring, “Daddy, I’d like to try to make some beads.”

I’m all veclempt.

I’ve let him try his hand at the torch before, and the last time he managed to get a small burn on his shoulder.  So I’m proud of him for wanting to try it again.   I don’t push him about it, it’s my thing, not his.    But if he wants to try it, he’s mature enough to give it a go.

The coolest part….we showed him one of the Beads of Courage videos and once he’s made some “cow colored beads, with polka dots for him and [his brother]“, he wants to make some beads to send off to BOC.

He’s a pain in my butt some days, but the kid’s got a good heart.   We must be doing something right.

Incidentally, if you’ve never heard of Beads of Courage, give them a look.  If you can contribute to their cause, please do!

The messy back bench/storage area

Well, the fates decided to give me a kick in the rear.    At the bottom of our hill is a company that makes modular rooms, and a couple times a week they put out scrap wood, which local woodworkers stop by and pick over for who knows what.    It happened one day I noticed a fully constructed door frame down there.    I figured it would be gone fairly quickly, but when my wife and I got back from an outing with the kids, it was still there.  Ehx-cellent.

Not so ‘ehx-cellent’, I soon found out why it was still there.   Weighing probably 100 pounds and being about 8 feet long, it wasn’t exactly easy to transport.  Luckily we had the minivan with us, and we were able to finagle it up the hill.

They say door frame, I say bench frame (picture by my wife)

Now I had a lovely base for a new bench, but that means pulling everything out.  While I have everything out, I may as well insulate and drywall too, right?   Ah, it sounds so simple.  Now would be a good time to mention that a heatwave that had just begun.

Day 1

It's all out!

Nothing like a 90 degree day to hang out inside confined space, in and out of the sun.   But dangnabbit, I got it all out.

This was the result of day 1 of renovation hell.

How did all this fit in there?

The important pile, my raw glass: boro (33), 104, flat stock Bullseye, and pulled wine bottle glass

I worked during the night as well, and many cups of water and ice coffee later, I had the drywall up.    I’d like to add, I’m terrible at putting up drywall.  Normally I’d research what I should do first, but I just sort of winged it with this one; not my best plan of action.  Plus, I wound up leaving half of my shop lying out in the backyard overnight.   Luckily we live in a decent neighborhood.

Day 2

While my wife and kids were off to the local community pool, I worked out in the hotbox to install the new bench.   By the time I got it in place, it was late afternoon.    I wound up quickly moving everything back into the shop just to get it off the lawn, but I’d have to come back out another night to get it all in it’s place.    Even with the air conditioner going out there, it was quite the endeavor, but I managed to get it done.

Day 3-ish

I wound up calling out sick the Monday following, laid up with the effects of dehydration; migraine headaches, nausea, exhaustion.     I chugged water and slept part of the day, hiding out in a darkened room.   Hydrate folks…I thought I had enough going in, but it turns out I wasn’t even close.

A few nights later I managed to get out to my shop after the kids were in bed for the massive task of cleaning up and getting everything put away.   I had a sales event coming up at the end of the week and needed to have the shop operational.  Working into the wee hours, I managed to get it all together.

Nearly a place for everything and everything mostly in it's place

I'm not always this organized, trust me

Nearly all the glass is together now. The Bullseye frits and powders are still on the other side of the room; it's safer that way.

Future home of the boro frit shelves. You'll notice I didn't bother painting.

I still need to put up my shelves for my collection of borosilicate frits and powders, but at least the flameworking bench is usable again.   That half of the shop will be a project for another time, once I buy a sports sized water cooler.

Believe it or not, this was after I had tidied up the extra glass I had out

The trip was certainly not without it’s obstacles though.

For one thing, the other day I broke my toe playing with our youngest, so I wasn’t really looking forward to stumping around all day on that.

To add to the fun, on the way out there, about 20 minutes from the park actually, we wound up with car trouble.    We stopped for a bathroom break for the little ones and the car didn’t want to start; not cool.    We ditched AAA long ago, but along with our car’s warranty service is roadside assistance.   Of course one number was missing from the sticker in the window.

We eventually got in touch with them and a tow truck was on the way.  I’d like to give a shout out to the nice gentleman who was travelling with his family and offered to have a look for us.   It’s rare these days, and I truly did appreciate it.   If the state police themselves hadn’t had to dispatch the truck for us, I would have taken him up on the offer.

Eventually the truck showed up (fairly quickly actually), and a simple jump was enough to get us on our way.    We’ll be in the market for a new battery soon.

Happily, we made it to the park and in the nick of time to pick up my line skipping Flash Pass (pre-paid mind you) before the cut off time of nooon.

We’d been watching the weather since there were scattered storms in the forecast.   Luckily the rain held off for most of the day and the kids had a blast.   The oldest got to go on half a dozen or so larger rides and spent time on the smaller ones with his brother as well.

Finally, when it started sprinkling, they started shutting down all the rides the Flash Pass is useful for, so we started heading out of the park.    We go out just in the nick of time, because as we started down the road the skies opened up.

Overall, it was a lovely, but very long day.