Turning to the fire, she used the tongs and deftly chose two glowing embers, and placed them just above the button forming glowing red eyes, yet somehow they did not melt the ice.

Finally she turned once more to her ragged, worn bag, and from it she drew a silk hat smeared with soot from the fireplace; a ring of blood of some unknown origin circled the brim.

With shadows from the fire flitting across her wild face, she placed the vexed chapeau upon what might be best called the “head” of the figure-like pile of compacted snow before her.

Suddenly, as if possessed by the devil himself, he back to dance around the room.

The old woman reared back and let out an unearthly cackle.  As the sound still echoed off the walls she began to speak in tongues.   Nearly inaudible at first, but soon the room filled with her incomprehensible chanting.

“Bumpity bump bump.”

She had started slowly, but her energy seemed to grow with each iteration of the mysterious phrase.

“bumpitybumpbumpbumpitybumpbumpbumptitybumpbump…” she screamed, over and over and over.    Soon a curse fell over the children in the room, and they started to laugh uncontrollably, almost gleeful in it’s sound, but undeniable in it’s eerie nature.

Then the old woman stopped, her bony hand pointing to the window, “Look at frosty go.”    There was ice in those words, nothing charming or friendly about it.

In unison the children stopped their laughter and turned their heads to the window, the man of ice and snow was now running down the lane.    Where he was going I know not.   But soon after, he made it to the village, broomstick clutched at his side, and there were blood curdling screams heard up and down the valley as the ice man’s carnage, and the old women’s vengeful wishes, were meted out.

Dear Tom,

Thank you for contacting Norton support.

Thanks for letting us know that you have signed up for the family newsletter. Norton Family Newsletter is to alert you about the online risk that you will encounter when you are connected to the internet.

I understand that you have your own product and would like to make use of the Newsletter as a marketing site. I am really sorry to inform you that the Online Family Newsletter cannot be used for marketing purposes however if you like to have business opportunities with us you can contact our Corporate office at www.Symantec.com

I once again apologize and regret for any inconvenience caused to you. If you have any other concerns, please contact us. We will be glad to assist you.

Thanks,

[REDACTED]

But, since it’s ok to do that between “friends” now.   I responded in kind.

Hi.  This morning a “Service Notification” popped up from your product trying to entice me to sign up for your online family newsletter.   Since evidently it’s ok for us to market our products to each other now, I’ll be using this form to send you marketing solicitations for my products as a thank you.

Let’s begin with this lovely two tone purple heart made by yours truly.  It’s made of glass right here in the USA (in my backyard to be honest), and if fairly reasonably priced.   You can view this lovely item here: http://www.artfire.com/modules.php?name=Shop&op=listing&product_id=1188721

Cute as he is, that isn’t going to fly, so I tried to catch him and chased him a little until he wound up in the half bath, a dead end.   I went in and tried to drop a bucket on him, but that didn’t work out so well, so I decided to go for plan b, bring in a professional.

I rounded up the only one of the two cats that has actually caught a mouse and tossed him in the bathroom, then shut the door.

A few minutes later, and it’s awfully quiet in there, I was expecting some scrambling, some Acme brand explosives, some sort of noise, but nothing.

So I opened the door and out wanders the cat.   The mouse?  Safely in the corner.   I have no idea if the cat even noticed there was a plaything in there.

A few hours later and I’m in for a break from the torch, and the mouse?  Has escaped, and I think peed in the bathroom for good measure.

Useless cats.

Nor do I care.

Or even think it’s a real offer.

Feel free to use his address as you see fit.

From: Mr.George Hanson

Dear Sir,

Compliments of the season to you.

I am a Civil Lawyer. I have a client that wishes to invest her
financial estate in your Country. Can you be of Assistance as a
Partner? I will give details when you reply. This transaction demands
Absolute Secrecy from You.

Yours truly,

George Hanson.

Also, like many, I listen to my ipod while I’m working. So I’m fairly well isolated out in my little shop. Tonight, I left the light in the backyard off so it wouldn’t attract so many bugs to the back door; it’ll turn on when I approach the porch. Unfortunately this means a fairly dark walk to the house, where even with a flashlight it’s dark, and I run the risk of looking like a prowler.

In my own little world, I wandered back from the shop tonight with my flashlight, scanning here and there for skunks and what not. Nothing.

I went inside and closed the place down. It was quiet except for the ceiling fans which I turned off. I found the dining room light on which I thought I had switched off, but it’s possible I didn’t.

I turned off the lights and wandered upstairs and into the bedroom, I could hear the TV on in my room from the stairs. My wife was asleep, but she had turned on an extra fan so she had also turned up the TV. Off went the set, leaving only the slightly at odds sound of two fans buzzing at slightly different pitches, and then I heard a bump. Or did I?

Being the daddy, it’s my job to investigate and to make sure that everything’s ok in the kid’s room, so I go out into the hallway and my youngest comes silently, but determinedly tromping out of his room and into the light of the night light beaming from the bathroom into the hallway, thumb firmly planted in his mouth. He makes a beeline to me, arms opening wide, so I scoop him close, hug him tight and he falls back to sleep on my shoulder.

Carefully tucked into bed, a kiss upon his head, daddy has once again slain whatever demon lurked in the darkness and all was right in his world.

Around here, sometimes we really do have bumps in the night.

I’ve put up this design on my CafePress shop for anyone interested.  The base prices on their apparel’s a little on the spendy side, and I assure you, I’ve only added 5.00 per item for me.  But, if you’re so inclined, have a look.

Most of the money will likely go into an angry looking piggy bank to help hold onto some legal funds for me personally should I need it in this Texas debacle.

I almost look badass, eh?

Also, money from the sale of my Drawer Pull tutorial through the month of July is going directly to the AGLF.  If you’re interested, feel free to have a look here.

Well last night he and his little brother had a grand old time on their “water slide”.  It was nice,  but not exactly environmentally friendly as all that water just goes elsewhere.   So since I don’t want to drain the well just for their amusement, I came up with something else.

They have a wading pool, I have a utility pump, voila.   Our very own little water slide.

I think they’ll like it.

Super high tech, I know.

The Aqueous Dispersion Device

Our Aquatic Propulsion Unit

Careful ultramodern infrastructure was key to the project's success

Then Monday happened.

Oh sure, it started off well enough.  While I was waiting for programs to open, tests to run and the like, I was taking care of other stuff in the down time.  My cell phone was tethered to the main computer to sync and charge a bit when it rang, it was my business insurance agent.   That’s where the good parts end.   The cable knocked over my coffee onto the work laptop, spilling on the keyboard.

This lead to a day of fighting with the machine, it’s typing random letters, overheating, some keys don’t work, etc.  Even using an external keyboard wasn’t much better since it would randomly decide to take over and start pounding out a thousand ‘n’s, faster than I could erase them.

Something came up late in the day that disrupted plans, and then I didn’t even have to really attend this event, so it was a disruption for nothing.

Tomorrow, after work, I was planning on a torch session.   My customer’s not in a hurry, but I want to get this order done before things get too hot out in the shop, but now I have to go to the office, so that’s out.

It’s always bad timing.

Dear Gary,

After reading this article, I was curious, isn’t threatening to disrupt interstate power transmission or disrupt interstate commerce a federal crime?  It’s got to be a misdemeanor if nothing else.  Further, if your actions lead to power disruptions in a hospital that lead to a person’s death, you could conceivably be named in a negligent homicide case.

Just curious.

Tom