Archive for the ‘looney’ Category

Must..not..press..send..arrgh!!

Friday, March 5th, 2010

I got my monthly email from GMAC today.  You remember them, the folks who deleted my online account to say thanks for not using it to pester them.   Well the monthly mailing tells me that I can go to their site, click the My Account link (starting to see a problem here?…) and go check my statement.   It’s using most of my will power right now not to send them this:

Riddle me this, Bankerman,
I recently received notice that you’ve destroyed my online account based on some silly policy about not visiting the site for 12 months.  I guess the 12 bytes of storage my username and password took up was bankrupting GMAC:M.
If that’s the case, how is it I’m still receiving notifications to check my statement at my (now non-existent) online account?
If I were to indeed follow the links below I suspect that I would find that “My Account” is no more causing me to create yet another storage nightmare for GMAC’s IT team.  Haven’t they worked hard enough?!?!?
Tom

No wonder they needed help

Saturday, February 20th, 2010

Here’s the email I received from GMAC today along with my response.

—– Original Message —-
From: GMAC Mortgage Online Services <Customer_Service@gmacm.com>
To: xxxxxxx@yahoo.com
Sent: Sat, February 20, 2010 2:57:58 AM
Subject: GMAC Mortgage Registration Expiration

Dear Valued GMAC Mortgage Customer,

It’s been over 12 months since your last visit to the GMAC Mortgage Web Site and your registration has expired. Because we are extremely cautious of all security issues that could affect our customers, we will lock out a specific User Name after inactivity of 360 days. This is due to the possibility of a customer having left their ISP server for another and their email address being re-used by their previous Internet provider.

Depending on your Internet Service Provider, you may not be able to receive active links or view and/or click on any of the links provided. Please go to our Web site and log into gmacmortgage.com. If you are able to view the link, but may not be able to click on it, you can cut and paste the link into the ‘address’ or ‘location’ field of your browser and press ‘enter’ or ‘go’.

*The privacy and security of our customer’s personal information is an issue GMAC Mortgage takes very seriously. For that reason, we have removed any indication of your name or other personal data from this message.

GMAC Mortgage
1-800-766-4622
HTTP://WWW.GMACMORTGAGE.COM

The information contained in this communication is confidential and privileged proprietary information intended only for the personal and confidential use of the individual or entity to whom it is addressed. If you are not the addressee indicated in this message (or an agent responsible for delivery of the message to such person), you are hereby notified that you have received this communication in error and that any review, dissemination, copying or unauthorized use of this message is strictly prohibited. In such case, you should destroy this message and kindly notify the sender by email.

Contact Us:
https://www.gmacmortgage.com/Utilities/Contact_Us/ContactUs.html

Please advise immediately if you or your employer do not consent to Internet email for messages of this kind. Opinions, conclusions and other information in this message that do not relate to the official business of the Company shall be understood as neither given nor endorsed by it. It is the Company’s policy that emails are intended for and should be used for business purposes only.

And my response:

That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard of.  I haven’t called GMAC in a while either, maybe my account and the mortgage should expire too?
Who’s the self-important idiot that wrote this expiration policy?  I’d like to yell at them in person.
Tom

Dear Vikram Pandit, CEO of Citigroup

Thursday, February 18th, 2010

I recently received your mailing letting me know the interest rate on my AT&T Universal Card will be increasing as a way of showing me that you appreciate me as a customer.

This rate is going despite actually being a good customer in your eyes; carrying a balance, paying on time, etc.

So to say thank you, I would like to cordially invite you over over a home cooked meal and then to show you my appreciation for you being such a good credit card company (which you represent), I’d like to pee on your leg.

Have your people call mine and we’ll set it up.

Sincerely,

Tom Kies
Appreciated and valued customer.

Dear Phishermen

Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010

If you’re going to take the time to rip off Bank of America’s graphics and email template, and even figure out how to place a Registration mark in an odd place, at least have the good sense to buy a cheap domain that *might* fool someone into clicking your log in link.

Here’s one example from a message in my spam trap:

http://chavdaphotographers.com/gallery/online.bankofamerica.com/

online.bankofamerica.com/ccss-rva.bankofamerica.com/ccss/102%26target=
acctOverview%26acid=1%26os/SSOEntrypageid=102%26target=
acctOverview%26acid=/onlineid-sessionload/signon.do/

Three free bits of advice, take them for what you will:

  1. Don’t ever click a log-in link from an email.  Go to the site in question and log in correctly.
  2. In many cases, if you move your mouse over a link you can see the destination in the browser’s status bar.  At best it should direct you to the actual site you think it’s heading towards.   Just be wary of bankoffamerica.com or bankofameirca.com   Two misspellings that look so similar to the real thing you might be fooled.
  3. Be wary of bit.ly and other types of shortened links in email.  You can’t see the destination of where they’ll take you, it’s best just not to click on them.

    So what do I do here?

    Friday, January 8th, 2010

    I have a little one in my town’s school system and as part of him being in school, we signed up pretty much every method of contact we have with the school’s “One Call Now” system.  This is, in theory, a system that would be used to provide emergency and crucial information to parents.   For example, once they sent out a message about a sex offender seen in the vicinity of one of the schools.  That went to our house phone, both cell phones, and a couple of email adddresses.  Another time I think it was used to wake us up at quarter to 6 or so via phones (plural) to let us know about inclement weather closings.  This is fine, and a perfectly reasonable use of an emergency type system.   I was annoyed to be woken up ahead of the alarm, but it wasn’t an unreasonable call.

    But the superintendent of schools seems to also like to use the system for other things, albeit not always using both phone and email.   For example, before Christmas we got a phone call on the house phone and both cells wishing us a happy holiday and letting us know there are seats open on the school buildings committee.  Today I received an email letting me know that the high school team is playing some hockey game at the local stadium.  This, to me, isn’t an appropriate use.

    I called the education office and I asked if there was a way to get on an emergency message only list vs. the emergency and oh all this other junk list.  There’s one list, you’re either on or off it, but I get the feeling the poor woman I talked to has fielded these calls before.

    So what do I do here?  Do I remove my contact information from the list and miss out on the “there’s a knife wielding crazy in your son’s pre-school classroom” messages, or just leave it be and create a special filter for the superintendent’s drivel?

    I’m thinking it might be worth taking up with the town selectmen at some point because it’s pretty obviously a misuse of a valuable system.  Or am I being too sensitive?

    Martha Coakley, bite me

    Monday, December 7th, 2009

    Dear Martha Coakley, you diseased piece of trash.  I’ve now received no less than THREE automated messages from you and your supposed bitches asking me to vote for you.

    I’M VOTING FOR ANYONE BUT YOU.

    Twit.

    They should get a major award!

    Thursday, October 15th, 2009
    It's a major award!

    It's a major award!

    I was reading about Hansen, maker of Monster Energy Drink, and their attack on beverage review site, BevReview, and decided to congratulate Hansen on what’s obviously a community outreach program to hire the mentally challenged.

    I was reading about your misconception of BevReview’s review of your product as an advertisement, and I wanted to applaud Hansen for their work in hiring the mentally challenged.  Not everyone would put those with mental retardation in such a public position and I applaud Hansen for having the guts to do it.  However, just a bit of friendly advice, you might wan to rein them in.  Between this and the attacks on that winery in Vermont they’re embarrassing you.

    BevReview

    The Vermont battle

    To my mother’s idiot creditors

    Wednesday, October 14th, 2009

    The deadbeat doesn’t live at my house, I have only a vague idea of where she might be.

    UPDATE: if you want more information than that, cut me a check for $500.00, I’m not doing your job for you for free.

    2016 Olympics, anywhere else, woo!

    Tuesday, September 29th, 2009

    There’s been much said in the past couple of weeks about Chicago’s bid for the 2016 Olympics, most of it surrounding President Obama’s support for the bid.

    While I don’t mind him doing that, I don’t think Chicago’s a good idea for the Olympics.  All towns have their problems, but Chicago’s a fairly large town with fairly large problems.

    Debt

    Let’s start with Chicago’s debt.   According to the Huffington Post, Chicago is like many cities and is facing a rather large debt.  This means cuts in city employees, likely cuts in services, and as in most places, likely cuts in school funding.  Let’s have a look at Chicago’s schools.  According to this article, they’re facing a projected $475 million deficit.  Is this really the right time to spend massive amounts of non-existent money on sports structures that will likely lie unused after the Olympics leave?

    Street Violence

    Cities are often dangerous places, but Chicago’s had a special mention lately with the Olympic light upon them.  This is the sort of violence often seen by swarming street children in Mexico. Have a look: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3032619/vp/33063688#33063688
    I know that makes ME want to hop a plane out to O’hare!

    Questionable Practices

    And finally, let’s look at some questionable practices that visitors might run up against.   In this article from The Consumerist we see that something akin to extortion seems to be alive and well in good old Chicago.   Reasonable people would think that if the charges are dropped against you, you would get your property back for free.  They don’t charge a locker fee for your street clothes, right?  But no, instead you have to pay to get your car out of the impound yard as if it was taken as part of a real crime.

    Or how about the debacle with the parking meters?  As seen in this article from The Chicago Tribune, the privatization of meters has lead to more problems than it solved.

    Want more?  How about Blagojevich?

    Don’t get me wrong, but other places have their problems too.  But given the economy maybe this isn’t the best time for Chicago to try to host an international party.   I’m not the only one who thinks so either, have a look at this.

    Facebook, what facebook?

    Sunday, September 27th, 2009

    In case you’re wondering where I vanished to (because I know you all do, right?  RIGHT?!?!?), according to the error message I’m receiving my account’s on walkabout while they do some maintenance and they assure me it’ll be available after a few hours, sorry for the inconvenience.

    Yeah, we’ll see come morning.