No, I don’t have a trip planned, but I almost *want* to go through a screening area at the airport. See, these days there are super duper ultra top tippy toe secret TSA directives that you’re subject to. These directives are so secret that you have to abide by them, but if you ask they can’t tell you what they are.
That’s not a bad thing actually. Why’s that? Well, I’m betting there’s a directive that says if the TSA agent has eyes, you should spit in them. There may be a “Three Stooges” directive allowing you to slap the forehead of a TSA agent like he/she was Curly. And if you’re challenged, say there’s a TSA directive saying you should do so. Do you think the minimum wage earning slack jaw has clearance for anything actually secret? Do you think *anyone* in that airport will actually have access? Not unless there happens to be a TSA paper pusher heading to a plane somewhere. So they can’t prove you wrong. But even if they *did* have access, they couldn’t tell you yes or no. Is there a directive that says they have to check your bag? Probably, but because if the terrorists knew they would know not to carry bags, they can’t confirm or deny it.
So is there a Curly directive? They can’t tell you. HA! Nyuk nyuk nyuk my friend, slap ‘em.